Solstice
by Clara Collins
Summary: In New Moon, we hear from Bella how hard it is for her to have Edward leave her, and how she doesn't believe that he loves her. In Solstice, we get answers. My take on New Moon from EPOV. Rated T just in case.
1. Prologue

_Eek, new story! I've always wanted to try my hand at writing a Twilight novel from EPOV and I finally decided on New Moon because hey, who doesn't like angst? Ha! Anyway, this has been sitting around in my computer for a while. The first two chapters are done and the third is nearly finished, so you'll probably get updates every three or four days, depending on the response to the previous chapter._

_Disclaimer: New Moon and the Twilight Saga belongs to SM. We may both have dark hair but I am not her, and therefore I do not own it. Just wanted to clear that up ; )_

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_'Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.' – Dylan Thomas_

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**PROLOGUE**

Dawn and dusk, day and night. They were the same now. Day was no brighter than night, and night was no darker than day. Hell, that's what I was in. In perpetual night. Back to what I was before I had met _her_.

Ah, her. The thought of her aroused both pain and happiness, though the pain was much less ephemeral than the happiness. I still remembered her in perfect clarity; damn my vampirism. Another reason to hate what I was. How many more did I need?

First: I could kill her. That was the primary reason. If I pressed too hard, I could shatter her ribs. I could kill her by exerting just a minute fraction of my strength. Second: she smelled too good. Her scent was still clear in my mind. Not just to me, but to others at well. Her spilt blood was the catalyst. She was nearly killed, by my own brother at that. Third: I'd never be able to give her what she truly deserved. I'd never be able to give her children, to give her the normalhuman life she deserved.

Three reasons, but they were enough. Enough to hate what I was, enough to show that I was clearly unworthy, and enough to make me leave.

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_Thanks for reading, y'all! _

_The first chapter should be up soon. Sorry about the less-than-stunning prologue - I've never been good with those. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed it! _

_Please review and tell me what you think : )_

_Clara_


	2. Chapter One: Desperation

_Here's the first chapter, everyone : ) I followed the skeleton of the first chapter, so this is a long one. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, am not Stephenie Meyer and thus I do not own the Twilight Saga and its various characterizations, plot(s) and details. _

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It was Bella's birthday today and that made me happy, to know that she was growing up and getting human, two very human things. Unfortunately, I knew my Bella, and this wouldn't make her happy – birthdays were usually focused on the birthday girl and Bella hated being the center of attention. Birthdays also meant gift, and if there was anything Bella hated as much as being the center of attention, it was having money spent on her, even if only a few dollars.

My sister, Alice, had insisted on having a party. This wouldn't sit well with Bella, I knew this for a fact. I could almost imagine her scowling, her lips thinned into a line. Despite this, Alice was continuing with her plans. Why, I had no idea. Surely she had seen Bella's reaction to her party? I had reluctantly allowed it, as long as it didn't mean anything dangerous or anything that could hurt Bella. She'd just have to endure it. I almost chuckled at the thought – seeing Bella pout adorably throughout the night certainly sounded entertaining.

Alice was almost rocketing off the walls in excitement. 'Edward!' she cried. 'Thank you _so _much! Bella will love it, I promise!' _Even if she doesn't show it_, she added mentally.

I eyed her carefully. 'As long as it's nothing dangerous.'

Her hands positioned themselves on her hips. 'I want to see her hurt about as much as you do.'

I shrugged, walking over to the side of my Volvo. Alice was in the passenger seat before I had even opened the door. She began to blabber about the party and how great it would be, her thoughts all along the same line and tone. It was far too much enthusiasm for this early in the morning. I raised my hand. 'Alice,' I said. 'Save it for Bella.'

She pouted. She was silent for exactly thirteen and one quarter of a second, before she started her diatribe on the music I played in my car. I snorted then, proceeding to ignore her. This was what Alice always did when she accompanied me to school. She never spoke of anything of dire importance and most of the time I didn't mind. I loved my sister dearly but sometimes it got too much. I could tune her out easily now, her voice fading to a rapid hum in the background.

It was no less than two minutes after she had started her rant that I pulled into the car park of Forks High. She had barely finished criticizing the Renaissance era when I pulled the key from the ignition. We spent five or so minutes sitting in the car, letting the piece finish. Of course, that had started another round of critique but I got out of the car to wait for Bella. On the days I couldn't pick her up, I made it a point to get here at least ten minutes earlier. Better I wait for her than she wait for me.

For the remaining five or so minutes, I sifted through the thoughts of the students still in the parking lots. I heard Alice's clearly; she was ranting about how ridiculous a shirt looked on a sophomore, or something like that. There was nothing urgent or important, just endless gossip and worries. The hot topic today was Bella's birthday and the news that I was going to propose. Completely unfounded, of course, though I couldn't admit that I hadn't thought of such a thing.

The idea of marrying Bella was tempting. Like a glass of water in the middle of the Sahara, I wanted it badly. I wanted to make her mine, to stake my claim, as possessive as it sounded. _Isabella Cullen_, I mused. It had a ring to it. I would ask her, one day. I would get down on one knee and present to her my mother's ring and hope with everything in me that she'd say yes.

Part of me was so sure she'd agree. She loved me, almost as much as I loved her. But part of me was hesitant, unsure. She loved me? What a foolish concept. I was a monster, filled with the blood of the innocent, and she was human, pure and full of goodness. I was unworthy, of course she'd decline. If she said no, I would never be able to get over the rejection. I shuddered at the thought.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the cool breeze that moved through the parking lot. It brought a myriad of unfamiliar scents but I picked out my favorite: freesia and strawberries. Patiently, I waited for her ancient Chevy to pull into the lot.

I noted, with disapproval, the sound of her weakening engine. I knew it would collapse sooner or later. Briefly, I toyed with the idea of getting her a new car. Maybe an Audi, or if she preferred trucks, a Ford.

Bella stepped out of her trucks, her cheeks coloring a pale pink. She looked at Alice with disgust, her eyes drifting to the small square package wrapped in silver. A scowl graced her face and I resisted the urge to laugh. I didn't want to anger Alice. Her irritation made her slam the door harder than usual, her truck shaking from the impact.

Bella began to walk to us slower than usual, clearly unimpressed by the gift Alice bore.

_Can she walk any slower? _Alice groaned, as she began to skip over.

Alice beamed. 'Happy birthday, Bella!'

'Shhh!' Bella hissed, her irritation clearly growing tenfold. Clearly, she didn't want anybody to know about her birthday, which would lead to more attention. Silly Bella – virtually everyone already knew.

Alice paid her no heed. 'Do you want to open your present now or later?' They began to walk across the parking lot to me. Alice was nearly dancing, while Bella mostly focused on not tripping, her eyebrows knitted in concentration.

'No presents,' she rebuked feebly.

Alice sighed. _Really? Can't she accept gifts on just one day of the damn year? _'Okay…,' she said, trailing off hesitantly. _I wonder, what about Charlie and Renee's gifts? Surely she'd accept those? '_Later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?'

Bella's sigh was resigned. 'Yeah. They're great.'

Alice began her spiel on how important it was to document memories. I knew it wasn't necessary to listen, but I liked watching Bella and her reactions. After all this time, she continued to intrigue me. I had a love-hate relationship with her mind: I loved that I couldn't read it but I hated it too. I liked having answers, and not knowing what she thought sometimes frustrated me to no end. But I loved not being able to read her. I didn't ever know what would come next, or how she'd react. Before Bella, I was immune to surprises but now I was surprised at almost every turn.

Bella stood in front of me then, and I reached out to hold her hand. She promptly took it and I squeezed her hand, cautious not to hurt her in any way. Her eyes met mine and as usual, I found myself lost in her pools of chocolate. Her heartbeat stuttered and I smiled. She called this _dazzling_, yet what she didn't realize was that she dazzled me as much as I supposedly dazzled her. If positions were reversed, she would hear my heartbeat stutter.

I couldn't resist touching her, allowing my finger to trace the outline of her lips. 'So,' I began. 'As discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday; is that correct?'

'Yes,' she breathed. 'That is correct.' She smiled, but she looked vaguely disappointed, for reasons I couldn't fathom.

'Just checking,' I said. 'You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts,' I reminded her gently.

Alice laughed, picturing tonight's party in her head. 'Of course you'll enjoy it! Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?'

Bella's response was automatic. 'Getting older.' Her voice wavered, and I knew she was thinking about immortality again.

'Eighteen isn't very old,' said Alice. 'Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?'

Bella's response was no more than a murmur but Alice and I heard it nonetheless. 'It's older than Edward.' My heart jumped when she said my name.

I couldn't resist a long sigh. I was plenty older than her. She was only older than my fake age, and that was all it was – fake.

'Technically,' Alice agreed delicately. 'Just by one little year, though.'

From the look on Bella's face, one year wasn't little, at all, even in comparison to a fake age.

Alice continued talking, anyway. 'What time will you be at the house?'

Bella's scowl returned. 'I didn't know I had plans to be there.'

Alice scowled, too. 'Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?' _Your _fun, I corrected her.

'I thought my birthday was about what I want.' I sighed internally.

'I'll get her from Charlie's right after school,' I promised.

'I have to work,' she said feebly, but Alice had seen it coming.

'You don't, actually. I already spoke to Mrs Newton about it. She's trading shifts. She said to tell you "Happy birthday."'

'I still can't come over,' Bella stuttered. I couldn't help but smile fondly at her desperation to get out of the party. It was endearing. 'I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet _yet for English.'

_Oh, please, Bella, _Alice thought as she rebuked her excuse.

'But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it – that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented.'

I rolled my eyes, knowing he hadn't actually said that.

'You've already seen the movie,' my sister countered.

'But not the nineteen-sixties version! Mr. Berty said it was the best.'

Alice's eyes hardened into a glare. _Why does she have to be so stubborn? Honestly, I'm doing this for _her_. The least she could do is attend!_ 'This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other…'

I stepped in then. Alice was crossing the line when she threatened my Bella. 'Relax, Alice,' I cautioned evenly. 'If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday,' I added for good measure, using the same excuse Alice'd been harping the whole morning.

Everything about Bella screamed triumphant. 'So there.'

'I'll bring her over around seven,' I said. 'That will give you more time to set up.'

_Hm, I suppose I could work with that. _'Sounds good,' she agreed finally, laughing. 'See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see.' Alice grinned far too wide for my liking, exposing her sharp white teeth, before pecking Bella on the cheek and skipping off to class.

'Edward, please –,' Bella began but I pressed a cool finger to her lips, hearing the thoughts of our teacher for first period as he left the teacher's lounge.

'Let's discuss it later,' I suggested. 'We're going to be late.'

Bella scowled again. She still didn't like the idea of the party, but she disliked being late almost just as much.

We took our seats right at the back of the classroom, my arm making its way to its usual place around her. It hadn't taken much to convince the office staff to switch most of my classes to match Bella's especially if they were female. School was much more bearable now, knowing that I'd spend majority of it with Bella. Also, people no longer stared at us, though they still came up with unsubstantiated rumors and blatant lies in their mind, but Bella didn't need to know that.

Bella's eyes drifted to Mike Newton and I lazily wondered what she was thinking. I, of course, heard Mike's thoughts as clear as day.

_Bella's looking at me! It's her birthday today, isn't it? Maybe I should ask her out again, I'm sure she'll say yes this time… why is Cullen looking at me like that? He's so weird sometimes, it freaks me out. I still can't believe she's with him, I don't like it. She'd be much better off with me. _

I snarled then. Better off with him? Other than the fact that he was human… Highly unlikely. Bella grasped at my hand, looking at me questioningly. I shook my head, instead relishing on the warmth that her hand radiated. I could feel the faint pulse of her heartbeat, the movement of the red liquid in her veins and arteries. My kind killed for it, but it kept her kind alive. And keeping her alive was of utmost priority.

Lessons passed quickly that day. I couldn't bring myself to listen; I already knew all the material and more. Thankfully the teachers knew, to some degree, how my knowledge was superior to theirs. I had corrected them on one too many occasions and laughed at their disgruntled thoughts. Instead, I spent most of my time watching Bella, helping her when the teacher moved too fast through the lesson or providing answers when the teacher caught her distracted.

Lunch was uneventful as always. Alice and I positioned ourselves next to Bella at the table, picking at our food, while Bella conversed with her friends. Nobody noticed that we didn't eat – the larger part of the table ignored us. Only Lauren and Jessica continued to stare at us, their thoughts filled with jealousy and lust.

_God, he's so attractive. How the hell did Bella snag him? She's so plain and she's not even pretty. The things I would do to that boy, taken or not…_

Not even pretty? I beg to differ. She wasn't pretty, though, she was beautiful, as tacky and clichéd as that sounded. I still spend every second memorizing her, tattooing her to my memory. I didn't ever want to forget her. Of course, she had come up with a way to prevent it – if I changed her, I'd never lose her.

Again, this idea was tempting. But it was selfish of me, very, very selfish. I wanted to change her for my own purposes, so I'd never have to watch her die, never have to lose her, never have to forget her. But changing her meant taking away everything about her that was pure, taking away her warmth, taking away the blush that I loved so much. It meant taking away her soul and turning her into a monster like me. I loved her far too much to do that to her. So I had come up with a simple solution: when she died, I'd die too. I'd go to the Volturi and ask them to kill me, in whatever way they pleased. There was no reason to exist without her, anyway.

But of course, Alice had seen her as one of us, with blood-red eyes, a tell-tale sign that she was a newborn. Alice had two kinds of visions: one kind could flicker statically, a sign that there was no solid decision made yet. The other kind was solid, crystal-clear, enough for her to paint a picture of it or at least get a good look. The vision Alice got was the second kind and it terrified me. Few things in this world were enough to shake me, and this was one of them. I would do everything in my power to prevent it, but would it be enough? I could only hope.

When school ended, I was to take Bella home, as usual, while Alice would take my car and head straight home to prepare. I prayed fervently she wouldn't do anything to harm it.

I opened the passenger door for Bella as usual, ready to catch her if she were to slip on anything at all, something that wasn't too unlikely for her and her clumsiness.

Her arms folded across her chest. 'It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?' she said indignantly.

'I'm pretending it's not your birthday,' I replied. 'Just as you wished.'

Her eyes narrowed slightly. 'If it's my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight.'

'All right,' I acquiesced, shutting the passenger door and leading her briskly over to the driver's side. 'Happy birthday.'

'Shh!' she hissed again.

I fiddled with her radio as she drove, the static ten times more pronounced to my ears. It was irritating and frustrating. 'Your radio has horrible reception,' I said.

She frowned. 'You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car,' she muttered, albeit bitterly. I tried not to laugh. Somebody was cranky today.

A few minutes later, she came to a stop in front of Charlie's. I leaned over to touch her eagerly. The time I had to hold back while she was driving so as not to distract her was unbearable.

Gingerly, I pressed my fingers against her face, tracing a path from her temples to her jawline. I had to be careful; Bella was fragile, another human thing.

'You should be in a good mood today, of all days,' I said.

Her heartbeat stuttered and I smiled. 'And if I don't want to be in a good mood?' she retorted.

'Too bad,' I replied, and pressed my lips to hers.

Her lips, as always, were warm and soft, a stark contrast to my icy hard ones. Often, when kissing her, I had to rein myself in, concentrating on the fact that this was my Bella I was kissing, that I couldn't become too eager, lest I hurt her. Of course, Bella responded greedily, wrangling her arms around my neck. I shivered from the heat.

All too soon, as usual, I pulled away. Bella despised me for this, but it was for her own safe. The physical side of our relationship was a fine line.

Right now, there were so many things I'd have liked to say to her, how kissing me was dangerous, how she shouldn't tempt me like that, or how badly I wanted to give in to her. Instead, I settled for 'Be good, please.' I allowed myself to kiss her one more time, brushing my lips against hers, hearing her heartbeat thunder under her skin.

'Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?'

I frowned inside. I liked the way she responded to me. 'I really hope not.'

She rolled her eyes, tugging at my hand. 'Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?'

I smiled indulgently. 'Your wish, my command.'

I laid on the sofa while she set the movie up, impatiently fast-forwarding through the opening credits. I pulled her against me, wanting – no, needing – to feel her warmth on the ice of my skin. As a precaution, I grabbed an afghan off the counter, and threw it over her.

The movie started then, with an introduction. 'You know,' I said, 'I've never had much patience with Romeo.'

'What's wrong with Romeo?' Bella asked defensively.

I sighed. Where did I begin? Romeo was flawed in so many ways. 'Well, first of all,' I began. 'He's in love with this Rosaline, don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant,' I remarked. 'Mistake after mistake.'

She frowned. 'Do you want me to watch this alone?'

'No! I'll mostly be watching you, anyway,' I admitted, tracing my fingers across her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in my wake. I smiled. 'Will you cry?'

'Probably, if I'm paying attention.'

I leaned up to press a kiss to her hair. 'I won't distract you, then.'

True to my word, I didn't distract her. Well, I thought I didn't – all I did was whisper Romeo's lines into her ear. She did shiver a few times though, so I suppose I did distract her, though whether I was sorry or not is another matter.

And she did cry. When Juliet woke to find Romeo dead, tears were flowing down her alabaster cheeks freely. I was mildly entertained at how affected she was, again another endearing quality that made her so very Bella.

I dabbed at her tears. 'I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here.'

Bella sniffed. 'She's very pretty.'

I snorted. She thought I envied him because she was _pretty_? Was I really that fickle? And the actress wasn't that pretty anyway, in comparison to the angel lying with me. 'I don't envy him the _girl_.' I almost spat the word. 'Just the ease of suicide,' I clarified. 'You humans have it so easy!' I could see, with perfect clarity, the countless suicides I had witnessed through the minds of others and in person. A bullet, or maybe a knife, a pill or a shot of poison – that was all there was to it. 'All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts!'

'_What_?'

'It's something I had to think about once,' I said. 'And I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he'd realized what he'd become…' I was no longer on the couch with Bella, but back in Carlisle's home in Chicago when I had first woken to this new life and demanded to die. Carlisle had patiently explained his own beginnings, and that there was virtually no death for us. Then I realized I was probably scaring Bella, so I tried to make a joke. 'And he's clearly still in excellent health.'

Bella turned to face me. 'What are you _talking _about? What do you mean, something you had to think about once?'

I sighed, then. I didn't particularly like revisiting this part of history. 'Last spring, when you were… nearly killed…,' I said, pausing to gather my thoughts to string them into a coherent sentence. 'Of course, I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind… was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human.'

Bella was silent for a long moment and I waited uneasily.

'Contingency plans?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Well, I wasn't going to live without you.' Wasn't that obvious? Without my angel, what was the purpose of this existence, if you could call it that? 'But I wasn't sure how to do it,' I admitted. 'I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help, so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…' Stand in the sun and sparkle, as Bella called it, or feed openly, or throw something heavy across the square… They'd come after me in no more than a minute. It would be quick, painless and then I'd be with my love again.

'What is a Volturi?' The fury in her voice was palpable.

'The Volturi are a family,' I said automatically. 'A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America.' My eyes flashed to the many paintings of them we had in our library, courtesy of them, of course. 'Do you remember the story?'

Bella sounded almost _offended_. 'Of course I remember!'

'Anyway,' I continued. 'You don't irritate the Volturi. 'Not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do.'

Bella reached to hold my face roughly. 'You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!' she scolded, castigating. 'No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!'

I sighed. 'I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point.'

'Put me in danger!' she cried. 'I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?'

I laughed humorlessly. Of course Bella would try to take the blame.

'How dare you even think of that!'

'What would you do, if the situation were reversed?' I countered easily without missing a beat.

'That's not the same thing.'

I laughed again.

'What if something did happen to you?' A shiver ran through her then, and warmth spread through me at the knowledge that she truly cared about me. 'Would you want me to go off myself?' she challenged.

If I could've paled, I would've. Bella would not kill herself over something stupid, like me. No, I would not allow that. She was human, her life had barely begun. There was so much in this world waiting for her, not to mention her warmth, her kindness, her goodness. No, she would not waste it on a monster like me.

But she would do the same if I died, miraculously. Even though I was a vile, deplorable monster. She would die for me, as ridiculous as it was. _So this is love_, my brain remarked emotionlessly.

'I guess I see your point… a little,' I allowed. But if she died and I were not to die too, what would be the point of this life? 'But what would I do without you?'

She shrugged. 'Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence,' she said easily.

My existence before her wasn't very much of an existence. It was a pathetic excuse of one, and meaningless. 'You make that sound so easy.'

'It should be,' Bella replied. 'I'm not really that interesting.'

Not interesting? Did she really think so little of herself? I was almost offended. Bella _was_ interesting. Christ, interesting barely sufficed. But I knew if I brought it up she'd rebuke whatever point I'd make. 'Moot point,' I said finally. What was the point of talking about this if neither of us were to be dying anytime soon?

Faintly, about a mile off, I heard the rumble of the cruiser. Charlie's thoughts filtered into my mental hearing range.

_Is that Cullen's car? Damn. He's hear every day… they better not be doing anything._

I almost laughed. As if I would take Bella's virtue. Still, I pulled myself into a sitting position, putting as little as distance needed such that we were not touching.

'Charlie?'

I smiled in reply. She took my hand in hers, evidently having decided she didn't quite care. I chuckled silently.

Charlie was smiling when he entered. 'Hey, kids,' he greeted. _Well, they're holding hands. That's not too bad, I guess. _'I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?'

'Sure. Thanks, Dad.'

When Bella had finished her dinner, I brought up the topic of tonight's party.

'Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?' I asked politely. Bella glanced at Charlie meaningfully.

'That's fine,' he assured me. 'The Mariners are playing the Sox tonight.'

Bella looked mildly disappointed. Had she been hoping to use Charlie as an excuse? Silly Bella, Alice would've thought of it.

'So I won't be any kind of company,' he continued. 'Here.' Charlie picked up the camera he had bought for Bella and threw it at her for catch but Bella was hopeless. The silver object bounced off the tip of her finger, where it landed in my palm.

'Nice save,' Charlie complimented me. _Thank God it wasn't damaged, I don't know if the warranty covers it… _'If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets, she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them.'

'Good idea, Charlie,' I agreed, handing it to Bella, making sure she had grasped it safely before letting go. She turned it on and pointed it at me, pressing the shutter.

'It works.'

'That's good,' Charlie said. 'Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while.' I chuckled a bit at that. Charlie was very fond of my sister, which was a good thing.

'It's been three days, Dad.' Bella sighed. 'I'll tell her.'

'Okay, you kids have fun tonight.' It was clearly a dismissal – Charlie was already one foot in the living room. I tugged at Bella's hand and led her to the truck.

I presumed that she would like me to drive, and I was right, for she didn't argue when I opened the passenger door for her. I knew she still had trouble finding our house in the dark, which was the purpose of its location, so I drove.

As I neared the outskirts of town, I attempted to push the truck faster. Its limit was quickly frustrating me – this would be so much easier if she'd just let me buy her a new car. I inched the speedometer towards fifty, but the truck groaned audibly.

'Take it easy,' Bella warned.

I rolled my eyes. 'You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power...' I trailed off suggestively.

'There's nothing wrong with my truck,' she defended, crossing her arms. 'And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents.' She tossed me a warning look.

I sighed. We'd been through this before and I had promised her I wouldn't, even if I didn't like it. I'd just have to make do. 'Not a dime.'

'Good.'

'Can you do me a favor?'

'That depends on what it is,' she said carefully.

I sighed. 'Bella, the last birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited.'

'Fine. I'll behave.'

'I should probably warn you…'

'Please, do.'

'When I say they're all excited, I do mean all of them.'

I heard her breath catch. 'Everyone?' she choked. 'I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa.'

'Emmett wanted to be here.'

'But… Rosalie?'

I rolled my eyes – Rosalie, the terror of all humans, particularly of my girlfriend. She envied Bella's humanity and how she was clearly in the process of so clearly throwing her choice away and this resulted in an often hostile and less than polite attitude towards her. I had warned her to be nice tonight, it was Bella's birthday after all.

'I know, Bella,' I soothed. 'Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior.'

Bella was silent after that, thinking, so I gave her a moment.

'So,' I said, breaking the silence. 'If you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?'

Her words came out in a whisper. 'You know what I want.'

I sighed inside. Why Bella was so eager to give up her mortality, her humanity – the one thing all of us wanted – was a mystery to me. Why did she want to be a monster so fast? Was it the age thing? If so, then that was ridiculous, absurd. Surely Bella didn't think that lowly of me to leave her because she was getting old and dying. If anything, I'd follow her.

'Not tonight, Bella,' I pleaded. 'Please.'

She sulked. 'Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want.'

I couldn't resist the growl that built up in me. Alice would never, I tried to reassure myself, but I knew Alice wanted her to be one of us as much as I did, even though it was selfish. Alice didn't hold humanity in such high regard as Rosalie, Carlisle and the rest of us did. Sure, she missed being human, but she enjoyed her existence. Besides, what if Alice couldn't stop? Surely she'd know better than to risk it.

'This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella.'

'That's not fair!'

I ground my teeth together. The thought of her becoming what I was angered me. I would do my everything to stop it, at all costs, no matter what.

Bella moaned loudly at the sight of the house. If I hadn't been so caught up in myself, I would've smiled. Alice had outdone herself this time with the decorations.

I inhaled deeply, her scent filling the cavity in my chest. I had never been much of a masochist before I met Bella, though now I'd say it was my most prominent trait. 'This is a party,' I reminded. 'Try to be a good sport.'

'Sure,' she muttered.

Quickly, I got out of the truck and moved to the other side to open the door. When I opened the door and offered her my hand, she did not take it.

'I have a question,' she said, fidgeting with the camera in her hands. I eyed her warily. Was she going to bring that up again?

Thankfully she didn't.

'If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?'

The question was not only ridiculous but so unexpected that I couldn't help but laugh. Silly Bella, I wanted to say, of course I will, I'm not a ghost. But I was laughing too hard to reply. Faintly, I heard the tinkling laugh of my mother's and Alice's from the house. Even Rosalie let a giggle escape.

I laughed all the way up the steps to the house and even when I was opening the door for Bella.

'Happy birthday, Bella!' my family cheered when Bella stepped into our glass home. Immediately, she looked down, but not before I saw the familiar signature pink color her cheeks. I chuckled.

She studied the room, her face twisting into vague disgust. I sighed; I should've warned Alice not to go _too _overboard. I wrapped an arm around her in comfort, kissing the top of her head.

Carlisle and Esme came to greet her first, Esme kissing her forehead while Carlisle wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

His thoughts were amused. _Ah, Alice… _'Sorry about this, Bella,' he pretended to whisper. 'We couldn't rein Alice in.'

I was glad to see that Rosalie wasn't glaring. _Stupid human, _she thought. _Stupid Edward. I had to get dressed up for _her. I almost snorted at the thought – Rosalie loved dressing up, she loved any chance she got to show others how beautiful she was, even if it was family and her brother's girlfriend.

_I talked to her but at least she's not glaring_, Emmett thought apologetically. I nodded in agreement. 'It's better than that, for sure,' I said too lowly for Bella to hear and he grinned.

'You haven't changed at all,' Emmett remarked. 'I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always.'

The pink turned to an almost red. 'Thanks, Emmett.'

He laughed. 'I'll have to step out for a second,' he said, evidently to install one of Bella's gifts. 'Don't do anything funny while I'm gone.'

'I'll try.'

Alice skipped forward, grinning. She grabbed Bella's arm and she flinched. I hope it was from the cold and not because Alice had grabbed her too hard; I would've to speak to her about that later. 'Time to open presents!'

Bella groaned. 'Alice, I _know _I told you I didn't want anything!'

'But I didn't listen,' Alice said smugly. We were family in that way – stubborn. 'Open it.' She handed Bella a wrapped gift that was empty inside, Emmett had already left to install the stereo.

Bella clearly didn't know what it was as she stared at it in confusion. 'Um… thanks,' she said anyway.

Rosalie cracked a smile, Jasper laughed, Esme giggled.

'It's a stereo for your truck,' Jasper explained. 'Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it.'

Bella frowned, but it quickly turned into a smile. Of course Alice would've seen her trying to return it. 'Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie,' she said, then more loudly – 'Thanks, Emmett!' We all heard his raucous laughter.

'Open mine and Edward's next!' Alice cried then, passing her a small package.

She turned to me with an accusatory look in her eyes. 'You promised.'

Emmett bounded through the door. 'Just in time!' he crowed happily.

I ignored him. 'I didn't spend a dime,' I promised, moving a lock of hair out of her eyes.

She swallowed. 'Give it to me.'

Emmett chuckled.

Bella carefully took the package in her hands, rolling her eyes as she opened it.

Alice saw it about the same time it happened.

'Shoot,' Bella cursed as the sharp edge of the paper sliced through her skin, pulling it out to examine the damage.

A single drop of blood bubbled at the thin cut.

It happened so quickly and so slowly at the same time.

The first thing I noticed was the thoughts of my family.

_Oh, dear, this isn't going to end well…_

_I'll go get a band-aid._

_Clumsy Bella._

_Ugh, stupid human._

_Resist, Alice! Think of Jazz._

Jazz. _Jasper_. His mind was silent.

That was the second thing I noticed.

The third was that he was lunging for my Bella.

I couldn't help the roar that escaped my lips. 'No!'

I threw myself in front of Bella, angling my body such that I was shielding her. I could smell her blood… No, Edward, I scolded myself. Bella. Think of Bella; she's in danger. Don't let it distract you! The monster in me growled and clawed at the metal bars of its cage. In the process of defending her, I threw her across the table. Faintly, I heard the sound of glass breaking, and then, louder, Jasper crashing into me.

_JASPER._

I grabbed at whatever part of him I could reach, which happened to be his shoulders. I pulled with just enough strength so that cracks began to form. Then I heard his thoughts and smelled Bella through his mine. Bella's scent was twice as strong now – this was my personal hell.

_Blood… Mine! Blood is mine! Edward… let… me… GO! _

He snarled angrily at me, grinding his teeth together viciously. He clawed hopelessly at me and I willed myself not to think of the fact that Bella's blood was within reach. No, I had caused her enough harm, I needed to focus on keeping her safe now.

Jasper was strong and skilled but he was distracted now. I had that advantage, but it was only temporary. Eventually he would rise through his bloodlust and decide that he wanted Bella and would do whatever it took to get her. When that happened, I had no chance. I would get hurt, but more importantly, Bella would die, because of me.

'Emmett!' I hissed. 'A little help here!'

He pulled at Jasper and I pushed, shoving Jasper into his grasp. Emmett locked his arms around Jasper – there would be no escaping them. As strong as Jasper was, Emmett was stronger. He was still growling and snarling, his eyes focused on one thing: Bella's blood.

I turned slowly to face her.

She laid on the floor, surrounded by the jagged shards of glass from when I had pushed her on the table. The glass struck her skin, and there was infinitely more blood now. I thanked my lucky stars that we had all hunted yesterday – it was barely enough to restrain us. Her face was gnarled into an expression of pain, her eyes focusing and unfocusing in Jasper's general direction.

Her scent assaulted me, enveloping me in a thick blanket of heaven. But this was not heaven; no, this was hell. This was what I had feared the most, from the moment I met her: that she'd die, inadvertently or not, because of me.

She looked up at all of us, hesitantly, and I knew what she saw.

Our fevered eyes, the eyes of true monsters.

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**_If you liked it, please leave a review! You would make my day : )_**

**_Clara _**


	3. Chapter Two: Aftermath

_Here's the next chapter of Solstice. Sorry it took me nearly 3 weeks to update. I promise chapters will be coming more frequently from now on, since I've written all the way up to Chapter Nine and am looking to finish this story within 13, 14 chapters. Updates will be posted every Friday afternoon, about 1pm my time so for those who live in America, roughly late Thursday night for you._

_Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, am not Stephenie Meyer and thus I do not own the Twilight saga. All characters and the plot belong solely to her. _

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**Chapter Two: Aftermath**

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_"Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect the pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself." -James Frey_

* * *

This was my own personal hell, I was sure of it.

_Poor Bella!_

_So good…_

_Stupid human._

_The future's changing so quickly… what are you thinking, Edward?_

_Man, Jasper's lost it._

_Get Jasper out._

I willed myself not to focus on their thoughts.

Carlisle was the calmest of us all. 'Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside,' he said.

For the first time in a long time, Emmett wasn't smiling. He pulled Jasper roughly in the direction of the door, his arms still locked in his vise-like grip. Jasper struggled fruitlessly, his eyes still wild and blank and focused on my Bella. Automatically, I crouched in front of her, snarling. If he wanted her, he'd have to get past me first. He was no longer my brother now; he was the enemy.

I forced myself not to breathe – if I breathed, then I'd smell Bella. The monster in me had never quite been satisfied in Phoenix, and I knew if I breathed now, I'd become my own enemy.

Rosalie looked far too smug for my liking. I resisted another growl as she stepped in front of Jasper and wrangled him through the glass door that Esme held open.

Esme's thoughts were filled with guilt. _I wish I could help but it's too much… she smells lovely, and I haven't… No, Esme!_

'I'm so sorry, Bella!' she barely cried before she had flown out of the room.

'Let me by, Edward,' Carlisle said and I stared at him for half a minute before I remembered that this was _Carlisle_, my own compassionate father, and he would not hurt my Bella and I relaxed.

Alice handed him a towel. 'Here, Carlisle.'

He shook his head. 'Too much glass in the wound,' he murmured, ripping off part of a tablecloth and making a tourniquet. My heart fisted – _too much glass in the wound_. I could only imagine how much pain Bella was in, all because of me.

'Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?'

'Here, please,' she whispered urgently.

'I'll get your bag,' Alice said.

'Let's take her to the kitchen table,' Carlisle instructed, and I lifted her up easily, careful not to touch her arm, as Carlisle kept the pressure steady.

'How are you doing, Bella?'

'I'm fine,' she replied. I sighed – could she not lie, for once? There was plenty of glass in her arm and even more blood. She sure as hell wasn't fine.

I set her gently in a chair, while Carlisle pulled up another, beginning to work immediately. Now that there was only the four of us in the room, her scent had intensified multiple times. It was almost unbearable but I refused to leave. No, not when Bella was in pain like this, bleeding and struck by glass.

But the scent… it was beautiful, powerful, overwhelming. Freesia, strawberry, and a myriad of others. It was unlike anything I had ever smelled, and there would never be anything on this earth for me that tempted me as much as she did.

So I continued to hold my breath. I'd rather I be uncomfortable than slip and lose control and attack her – _again_. I sighed.

'Just go, Edward,' Bella said.

'I can handle it,' I asserted, careful not to inhale too much air.

'You don't need to be a hero,' she countered. 'Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air.'

'I'll stay,' I insisted.

'Why are you so masochistic?' she mumbled, defeated.

Carlisle looked up from Bella's arm. 'Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far,' he suggested. _We don't need him running away_. 'I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now.'

'Yes,' Bella agreed. 'Go find Jasper.'

'You might as well do something useful,' Alice added.

I felt my eyes narrow. Were they really going to gang up on me? I really did have no chance, though, with three of the most stubborn people I knew. I nodded once and left the room.

When I was out in the open, I was glad to have left. The air was crisp and cool and free of my biggest weakness. I took in big lungfuls, almost gasping as I struggled to cleanse my system. The scent was all too fresh in my mind and I knew the fresh air would dull it some.

Not too soon after, Alice was out, too.

_She smells so good_, she thought longingly. _But I'm proud I resisted so long! I wonder how's Jasper doing… Oh, Edward, don't look at me like that_.

'Alice, what do I do now?' I whispered desperately, even though there was no need for it.

She rolled her eyes. 'Can we do that later, Edward? The both of us need to hunt right now and we need to find the others and Jasper.'

I sighed, defeated again. She broke off into a run into the forest, obviously knowing where Jasper and the others were, and I followed.

It was exhilarating to run, feeling the forest around me remain untouched even as I moved so quickly. I remembered when Bella had climbed onto my back and we had gone to our mead – no, don't go there, Edward.

I knew we had to leave now. First the James fiasco then this. We had put Bella in too much danger and we had to leave before we caused her anymore harm. I wasn't good for her and I would never be. It pained me to leave her but it had to be done. It was for her own good, and I could only pray that she would forgive me one day.

I carefully kept my mind blank as we neared the rest. I didn't want to think about that, at least not yet. Distractions were no good during a hunt.

We caught up with the others. Esme, Emmett and Rosalie had finished their quick hunt, but Emmett was off with Jasper as he was still hunting.

Esme bounded up to me, cradling my face in her hands. 'Oh, Edward,' she cried. 'I'm so sorry!'

'So am I, Mom,' I whispered sadly.

'What do we do now?' Rosalie asked hesitantly.

'We leave,' I said flatly. Her eyes blazed as she glared at me.

'We don't have to, Edward,' Esme said gently. 'We can stay.'

I shook my head. 'I'm no good for her,' I whispered and even I knew I sounded broken.

'Edward–,' Esme said, coming to hug me but I cut her off with another shake of my head, taking off south to find something to drink.

Eventually I caught a buck. My lips easily found its pulse point and my sharp teeth cut through it effortlessly and as I drank, I tried to fool myself that this was Bella, in hope to appease my thirst further, but I only repulsed myself. I would never, ever drink from Bella.

I downed another two deer, another buck and one doe, before I felt full, but not sated.

I ran back to where the others were, and I saw that Emmett and Jasper had joined them.

'I'm sorry,' he said sincerely, guilt tangible in his voice. His head was swimming with apology but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't need any reminders of what had just happened. Sure, I was mad at Jasper, but I didn't have the energy to deal with it now. I needed Bella, I needed her to tell me she still loved me, despite everything I had put her through, though it was absurd.

The others stared at me as they waited for me to respond. The tension was thick enough to slice through it with a knife.

'So am I,' I repeated the same thing I had said to Esme. 'So am I.'

And then I turned and ran back to the house.

Esme wasn't far behind me, and she and Alice started to clean up the living room, both of them holding their breath. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were in the woods, and had elected to stay there till Bella had left for the night.

I went to the living room, where Bella was talking to Carlisle, who was telling her about his history. I had heard the story countless times before yet it never ceased to amaze me how resilient Carlisle was, remaining compassionate even after what others had put him through. His selflessness was truly admirable and it was a trait I longed to have.

Finally he ended his story. 'I suppose I should take you home now.'

'I'll do that,' I interrupted, stepping out of the shadows.

'Carlisle can take me,' Bella said softly, glancing down at the bloodied bandage. Still so selfless, I thought.

I tried my hardest to keep any emotion out of my voice; I didn't want Bella to become upset. 'I'm fine. You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something,' I said, walking out.

I went to find Alice, who was more than happy to get Bella another shirt. I reminded her that it had to be similar, or Charlie would get suspicious. She ran in to fetch a shirt from Esme's closet while I waited outside.

We returned to the living room. Esme had finished mopping up the blood and now it reeked of bleach, though if I concentrated hard enough I could still detect the faintest trace of Bella. Or maybe I was hallucinating.

Alice bounded up to Bella. 'Come on, I'll get you something less macabre to wear.' The two of them returned minutes later, with Bella in a shirt only a shade lighter from her own. Still, she looked far too lovely, and far too tempting. It was hard to believe that this angel was mine.

_Not for much longer_, the monster in me taunted. _You think she'll still want you after this? Please!_

I held the door open for her, as Alice cried, 'Take your things!' She pressed them into Bella's good arm. 'You can thank me later, when you've opened them.' Bella nodded, but she was looking at me. I gazed back at her, impassive.

My parents for all intents and purposes bid her goodnight, and they too were stealing glances at me. Bella hurried outside to her truck and I followed. When I opened the passenger side of the cab, she climbed in silently. I sighed in relief.

When I climbed in, I noticed that she had pulled off the ribbon from the brand new stereo and thrown it on the floor. I could still glimpse a sliver of satin red on the floor. 

As we drove down the drive, I caught sight of Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie sitting on a high tree branch.

_Tell her I'm sorry_, Jasper begged me in his mind. I nodded once, even though he and I knew I wouldn't say it. _I'm sorry, Edward. It's all my fault. _I nodded again.

The silence hung heavy between Bella and I, a thick, dense cloud that was almost suffocating. I had so much to say and I was sure she did too, but neither of us knew how to go about it.

Either way, it was final. We would leave, I decided. Even if Bella told me that despite everything had happened she still loved me, we would have to leave. I had put her in too much danger already, both times she had nearly lost her life. I wasn't going to risk the third time being the charm – no way in hell. I had been far too selfish already, making her mine even though it meant she was possibly in harm's way. And with Bella's destructive luck, she always was in harm's way.

Ah, her luck. Was it unlucky that she smelled so lovely and so tempting? Was it unlucky that she had attracted a vampire, even a 'vegetarian'? Was it unlucky that the vampire of whom she had caught their attention was a tracker? Was it unlucky that she had almost been killed by her boyfriend's _brother_?

As I had said to her, if we could bottle her luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands. Inside, I laughed, darkly, mirthlessly.

Still, we had to leave. I reiterated that in my head: we had to leave. No matter how much I or anybody else wanted to stay. I had been selfish enough as it was.

She broke the silence first. 'Say something,' she begged.

I was careful to keep any emotion out of my voice again. 'What do you want me to say?

I thought I saw her cringe and mentally, I berated myself, having offended her one way or another. 'Tell me you forgive me.'

Forgive her? _Forgive _her? She thought she was in the wrong? 'Forgive you? For what?' I half-spat. None of this was her fault, it was solely mine.

'If I'd been more careful, nothing would've happened.'

I sighed. 'Bella, you gave yourself a _paper cut_,' I replied. 'That hardly deserves the death penalty.'

'It's still my fault.'

Was she being serious right now?

'Your fault?' I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. 'If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could have possibly happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst?' I said bitterly. 'You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – _and he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there! _Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.'

'How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?'

'Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with,' I growled out.

'I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton!' she protested. _Oh, Bella, you don't know what you're saying. _'I'd rather die than be with anyone but you.'

'Don't be melodramatic, please,' I scolded.

'Well, then, don't you be ridiculous,' she retorted, crossing her arms.

I glared angrily at the road against her. She really had no sense of self-preservation, didn't she? Did she not grasp the concept that even though she was immensely good for me, I was equally bad for her? I was dangerous; I was a monster. I was unworthy of her.

When we pulled up outside the house, I cut the engine, the sudden ending of the constant roar emphasizing the silence that had yet again descended on us. I made no move to get out and neither did she.

'Will you stay tonight?' she asked.

I frowned. It wouldn't be prudent to be in an enclosed area with her for so long. Even if I opened the window, her scent was still to concentrated. After what had happened earlier tonight, I didn't want to take risks. 'I should go home,' I said finally.

'For my birthday,' she pressed.

I groaned. 'You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other,' I said firmly.

'Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs,' she said, hopping out and reaching to take her gifts.

'You don't have to take those,' I told her.

'I want them.'

'No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.'

'I'll live,' she replied. So the double standard – my parents were allowed to buy her gifts but I wasn't. She tucked the gifts under her good arm and slammed the door.

I was next to her in less than a second. 'Let me carry them, at least. I'll be in your room.'

For the first time in what seemed like ages, she smiled beautifully, though it was sad. 'Thanks.'

'Happy birthday,' I said, and leaned down to press my lips to hers once. I would make it quick; I couldn't tempt myself now.

I couldn't help but smile when she stood up on her toes to make the kiss last longer – she still wanted me. Now I was sure she had no self-preservation… Those lips… I shook my head to clear it and disappeared to the side of the house. I used the spruce that was near her window as leverage and slid through the frame into her room easily.

I was bombarded by her scent instantly. The entire room was drenched in it and I felt like I was drowning but I would die happy, surrounded by her.

I went to sit on the center of her bed, wincing slightly when the sheets moved as I sat, releasing more of her scent into the air. It was so potent, so deadly…

I laughed at the irony of that. I was the monster, yet something so simple as her scent could kill me. I was the monster and she was the innocent and not-so-unsuspecting human. And despite all that I had done to her, she still loved me, she still wanted me – at least I hoped.

I wished with everything in me that I was human. I wished that I could keep her safe and happy and be worthy of somebody as good, as loving, as kind, as selfless as her. But I wasn't. No matter how much I tried to change that fact or how much I willed it to be true, I would remain the same: a monster without a soul, selfish and unworthy.

And even if she loved me, even if she still wanted me. I could not stay; I simply couldn't. She deserved far better than me, she deserved a man who could love her and care for her and want her as much as she did for him. She deserved a _man_, not a monster. She deserved a man who she could have children with, who she could have a family with. She deserved a man that she could be with without putting herself into grave danger.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Bella entered the room.

'Hi,' I said.

She moved to the bed and took the present that I had been fiddling with without noticing from my hands and climbed onto my lap. I sighed – this was both heaven and hell.

'Hi. Can I open my presents now?'

'Where did the enthusiasm come from?' I wondered idly.

'You made me curious,' she said simply, picking up the gift from Carlisle and Esme.

I took it from her. 'Allow me.' God forbid we had a repeat of earlier, I added in my head. I tore off the wrapping and handed her the plain box.

'Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?'

I rolled my eyes but she couldn't see. She took a minute to read over the fine print on the sheet of paper.

'We're going to Jacksonville?' she said excitedly.

'That's the idea,' I responded.

'I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, do you?' she babbled. 'It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day.'

'I think I can handle it,' I said sweetly, buoyed by her positive response to the gift. If only she could receive all gifts like this. 'If I had any idea you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain,' I admitted.

'Well, _of course_ it's too much! But I get to take you with me,' she said happily.

I chuckled. 'Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable,' I teased.

She took the present but I took it from her again, ripping the wrapping paper off. I handed back to her the clear CD jewel case.

She eyed the blank silver CD inside curiously. 'What is it?'

Instead of responding, I took the case from her, pulling out the CD and slipping it into the player. I hit play and we waited in silence for the first strains of music.

The first track was my Bella's lullaby. I remembered writing it vividly – the melody flowing out of my fingers without so much as a second thought, the chords leaving the darkness of my prior compositions and entering the light she radiated. No piece had ever meant so much to me.

Only then did I notice that she was crying, possibly from the pain. I scolded myself silently – I should've paid more attention to her.

'Does your arm hurt?' I asked.

'No, it's not my arm,' she said quickly. 'It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it.'

I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad she liked it – Esme had to talk me out of buying a piano just so I could play it for her. I thought the CD paled in comparison to a baby grand, but she loved it nonetheless. Any worries I had were all put to rest.

'I didn't think you'd let me get a piano so I could play for you here,' I said wistfully. I could imagine it – perched on the bench, my fingers dancing on the ebony and ivory, eyes transfixed on her sleeping figure…

'You're right.'

'How does your arm feel?' I asked, concerned. Even if she hadn't been crying because of the pain, it must've hurt.

'Just fine.' She eyed my hand inexplicably.

I didn't believe her. 'I'll get you some Tylenol.'

'I don't need anything,' she protested but I ignored her, moving her gently to rest on the bed and heading for the door.

'Charlie,' she hissed, one last attempt to stop me.

I almost rolled my eyes. Charlie and Bella were polar opposites here: while she was incredibly perceptive, he equally unobservant. Bella had gotten it from Renee.

'He won't catch me,' I promised as I slipped out of the door.

Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa, his body sprawled awkwardly over an afghan. His chest rose and fell with every breath he took and a quick glimpse into his mind proved that he was deep in sleep and far from waking any time soon. I quickly grabbed the pills from the cabinet and stopped by the bathroom to get a glass. And I had kept my promise: he didn't catch me.

I handed the pills to Bella, who looked like she wanted to protest but thought better of it. I'd win, anyway.

'It's late,' I said quietly, taking the glass from her. Gently, I scooped her off the bed and pulled back her quilt. I set her back down and tucked the quilt around her tightly – I knew she'd insist on me lying with her and I didn't want her to get cold.

I moved my arm over her and she leaned into my shoulder. I could feel her heat through the thin cotton of my shirt and it literally warmed me.

She sighed, happy. 'Thanks again.'

'You're welcome,' I said and then there was silence. The last of her lullaby faded away, morphing into the beginning bars of Esme's piece. This piece wasn't as personal as her lullaby had been but meaningful nonetheless. It was a testament to my parents' love, a form of a thank-you for accepting my so wholeheartedly, especially after my rebellion. I had done so much wrong, not just to them but in the eye of humanity. Yet they had taken me back in like the prodigal son, loving me and caring for me unconditionally. Since then I had tried so hard to do right, more for them than for myself. But I had failed, again – I had put the family in danger. We'd have to move, now, because of what had happened to Bella tonight. I'd wronged her twice already, both of which she was nearly killed. I certainly wasn't going for third time's the charm. She deserved much better than me: not a shell, not a husk of a man, not a monster. She deserved a man who was good and not a killer. No, definitely _not _a killer. That was the only requirement I had – as long as after I left, she didn't date somebody who was a killer, like me. Somebody who had done more wrongs than rights in their life.

Wrong v right. That was what it was all about, no? I had done too many wrongs to deserve her, and she had done more than enough rights to deserve someone better than me. It wasn't fair. She thought of me far too kindly: a man who was _good_. I almost scoffed at the idea. Me and good were two words that didn't go together. Surely, there had to be a point where 'good' was no longer qualified to describe a number of wrongs?

'What are you thinking about?' Bella whispered. It was soft, but so abrupt I was half-startled.

Should I tell her? Or should I lie?

'I was thinking about right and wrong, actually,' I admitted and I felt her shiver.

'Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?' she said quickly, in an obvious, poorly-veiled attempt to distract me.

I eyed her carefully. 'Yes.'

'Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again.'

'You're greedy tonight,' I remarked.

'Yes, I am – but _please_, don't do anything you don't want to do,' she half-joked.

I barked out a short laugh – that was exactly what I was going to do: leave her. I didn't want to, but I had to. 'Heaven forbid that I should do anything that I don't want to do,' I replied sadly, as I gently tugged at her chin and pressed my lips to hers.

As always, her lips were soft and warm. It was always so obvious, when I kissed her, how different we were, how good she was for me, and how bad I was for her. And the degree of my negative impact on her very existence was pushing me to leave. For all I knew, this was the last time I'd get to kiss her like this. Her fingers threaded themselves into my hair – the most heavenly feeling. The way she gripped me proved that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I couldn't help but reciprocate and all I thought was, _more. More, more, more. _I wanted more, I needed more. I needed all of her. I caught a glimpse of the alabaster length of her neck, so soft, so satin. I could see the blood under her translucent skin and I felt venom pool in my mouth. So _tempting_... I knew I had to stop soon, or her life would be in danger for the third time since she had met me and for the second time tonight.

I pushed her away, gasping for air, even though I didn't need it. It was a very human thing to do – something that Bella gave me, a small slice of humanity. With every gulp I took in, I was assaulted by her scent.

'Sorry,' I apologized. 'That was out of line.'

It pleased me greatly to see that she was panting too. 'I don't mind.'

I frowned, catching the red numbers flashing on the clock sitting on her wooden desk. 'Try to sleep, Bella.'

'No, I want you to kiss me again.'

I frowned again. 'You're overestimating my self-control.'

'Which is tempting you more? My blood or my body?' she challenged.

Now, _that_ was a hard question. Her blood was the sole thing I lived for, to keep it pumping through her veins, to keep her alive. Yet her body was so perfect and so flawless in my eyes that I wanted to do nothing but worship her. 'It's a tie,' I grinned, till I remembered how close I had been to allowing myself to just _bite_ on her neck and sobered up. 'Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep, hmm?'

'Fine,' she grumbled, curving herself so she was infinitesimally closer to me. She pressed her injured arm into my shoulder and I felt her relax at once. My cold skin finally was beneficial in some way.

'Sleep, my Bella,' I murmured once she had fallen off the precipice and into sleep.

I'd stay, tonight, at least. I could stay with her one more day. After all, I had spent, what, a year with her? And I'd successfully managed not to kill her. And I wouldn't, not tonight.

But only if I ignored the blood on the bandage.

* * *

_That's all for today, folks!_

_I hoped you like it, and, as always, please review!_

_Clara_


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